Obama Gets Schooled by Russia

Mr. Obama,

Now that you have had a chance to rest and reaquaint yourself with eastern standard time after your trip to Russia, I hope that you will take the opportunity to reaquaint yourself with a concept that you may not have thought about since your undergraduate days: Realpolitik. It's that messy idea, born in the ununified German states of the nineteenth century that suggests that practical considerations ought trump any other in global politics. Actually, let's use another phrase you may not have thought about since then, geopolitics. You know, that concept where you actually have to consider the relative strategic importance of various allies and resources. I know, these were probably dismissed as passé by your professors, but, while they are living out their days in the Ivory Tower, you are now leading a real country, in the real world, where there are real consequences to your decisions (and your lack thereof).

"Russia says no Iran sanctions for START deal," reports Reuters. Must have come as something of a shock to you, after how chummy you and President Medvedev (or was that President Putin? so easy to get the two confused, I guess) got during your visit. Welcome, my dear Mr. President, to the world of realpolitik. It matters not that these simple, practical, plebian considerations should play any part of your world of high-brow, dispassionately-intellectual, and well-intentioned desires for the world. If your enemy choses to play the game of realpolitik, you are in the match, by sitting the match out, you merely leave the board and all the turns to your opponent.

This might all seem very new to you, Mr. President. I am aware of that, and I come ready with an exercise that should speed you on your way to understanding the rules of the game of realpolitik. You must remember back to the days of Daley's Chicago (not a very distant memory, not nearly distant enough), you must remember how Chicago functioned. Favors, favoritism, bribery, lies, slander, et al., you know these blunt instruments of power well. Now imagine that the world is like Chicago, where you as an individual in Chicago are now America to the rest of the world. Mr. Putin, via President Medvedev has engaged you in this game. Now stop being naive and fight back! If you've forgotten the Chicago ways, I'm sure Mr. Emanuel will be able to remind you of them--he never lost his fighting spirit.

Take care, my dear Mr. President. I wish you the best on this new venture; it may not be one that you expected at the outset, but it is your task now. Oh, and don't forget: This is all part of growing into your office. Until you have, may I suggest you retain Mr. Kissinger's services to aid you in this regard.

Regards,
BlackCoffee